Sixth Entry

LOG 6
March 1, 2009

I know it’s Monday, but I’ll fill the log with what happened yesterday, Sunday. Some sub-topics will be present, because there are three major things that stuck on my head… here we go:

1) Sunday Morning

Yesterday was one of the days when I became suddenly nostalgic and remember the past as clearly as watching the laptop screen. Particularly, I became MOST nostalgic of the times when I was 1st grade of high school (or 10th grade). It’s the first time I had to live without my parents around because I continued my study to Jakarta, and my families were still in Bogor. I was really excited and happy, but when it comes to do everything (literally, everything) alone, I feel it’s kinda hard and tough.. To make it worse, my grades aren’t that good: I barely managed to get the minimum achievement score (7.0), and it was also the first time since I’ve known Biology that I scored 7.0. Back when I was junior high in Bogor, I always get above 9.0 in Biology. So I must say that it’s a big, depressing hit for me. Add my lack of social skills and reclusive nature, I feel lonely most of the time.

It all changed on a Sunday morning. “She” came to my life – oops, I mean, came to my room, hands me over a piece of cake, and asked me to celebrate her birthday with the others. “She” is 2 years older than me, was a 3rd grader (12th grader) of a different school from me (my school was an all-boys) and she has the figure of a “good elder sister” though she’s shorter than me. What impressed me most was her personality. She was talkative, brilliant, cheerful, laughs REALLY loud, optimistic, and she always lighten up any gloomy situations. Not to mention that she’s quite beautiful (beauty is a matter of personal preference) and has a nice body, she EATS A LOT. ^^ She eats more than me, who is a big eater at that time (now my portion is about half of what I used to eat – I could eat up to 6 slices of medium-size pan pizza when I was on junior high, now I’m content with 2-3 slices. On the other hand, she can eat a whole large-size pizza. And somehow retains that slender body. I’m jealous!!)

Starting from that Sunday, I often spend my time with her. Just talking, chatting about trivial things, share our experience, laugh at my clumsy and bad jokes, and sometimes the both of us just sit on the couch in silence. I can’t open up myself in other people, hence I can’t talk a lot with others, but I can easily talk, chat, and share from dusk till dawn with her. My feelings for her started to change from respect and admiration, to something else. To cut it short, I loved her.

This is where all problems began. Love always bring trouble. Again, to make it short, I screwed things up and ended my close relationship with her. Not that it went with explosive outburst of anger and fight, but it just ended in silence. On another gloomy Sunday, 2 years since that “first” Sunday, I decided to “end” our close relationship (she ‘loved’ me in a different way: She considered me as her “cute” another little brother - I hate it when somebody considers me as “cute”.) because it’s affecting me too much and I need to be independent (from that Sunday up to the next 8 months I shared ALL my anxiety, fear, and anything else with her – and I always need her to cheer me up, and that’s BAD). Then again, my decision was a bit wrong since I missed her even more and I screw my school further, and finally my scores were that bad that I had to repeat the class. All because I can’t keep my rationality and most importantly, control my feelings.

Now our relationship is just a mere shadow of what it used to be. I didn’t feel the “pain” when I look at her or her photos like I used to feel, sometime after the “gloomy” Sunday. I learn from my mistakes. Now that I know that emotions and love is distractive and destructive, I’ll keep their concentration inside me as low as possible. I will never trust anyone so easily. Patience and objectivity should be a part of me that I must train more. She made me what I am now. Thanks for giving me a really valuable thing to learn, bee. See you soon. Next time we spend another time to chat I will not be your weak, clingy, and foolish “little brother”.

~ I remembered something I made when I was in vain after my “defeat”…
“But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do. I would gladly hit the road, get up, and go if I knew, that someday it would lead me back to you. That someday it would lead me back to you. You may not know that maybe all I need. In darkness she is all I see. Come and rest your bones with me. Dying slow on Sunday Morning, and I’ll never want to live.” [adapted from Maroon 5’s Sunday Morning]

2) Sunday Stroll – Spent my afternoon walking down the mall. I just observe anything happened around me. Some of the notable ones are these:
a. Wearing without thinking

Found someone wearing a black T-Shirt with a writing that reads out like this, “FUCK FOR YOUR LOVE”.

Judging by his appearance, his attitude, and the T-Shirt he’s wearing, I can conclude that he’s not a smart or educated person. He seems to be PROUD with his T-Shirt and frequently emphasizes his “FUCK FOR YOUR LOVE” sentence on his T-Shirt to his buddy who looked as dumb as he is, and said the F-word quite a lot.

Literally, the sentence is a total disaster. What does the sentence mean? Unclear. It could mean, “One should FUCK for one’s LOVE”, or “Go to Hell with your Love / I don't care for your Love”, or “FUCK is a thing we should do to get LOVE”, or simply a sentence made by an un-educated person who wants to look cool by acting or trying to speak like western people WITHOUT giving any regard to the meaning. Funny. All human was given a brain, but why is there only so few who uses their brain?

If I could do anything I want at that time, I’d rip his brain off and give it to someone who needs one. Maybe I’ll transplant them to an anenchepalic baby who was born (literally) without brain. The point is, the guy (erranda: read "guy" as "idiot") does not deserve to have a functional brain since he doesn't bother to use it. It's a shame that I couldn't photograph or record a video of the guy and his friend.

b. Never put your car in Valet Parking’s hands

Or at least, never trust your car to Valet Parking in Indonesia. On the way back home, I walked around the parking lot. On the 2nd floor of the parking lot, there’s a reserved area only for Valet Parking. For those who doesn’t familiar with the term, Valet Parking is a kind of service available at malls or clubs, where you can definitely get a parking space to park your car by “lending” your car to the Valet Parking assistant. Just give the keys to the assistant, and he’ll park your car for you. When you’re done shopping, use the Car Call station and he’ll bring you back your car from the parking lot... and also the keys ^^. Sounds quite nice, isn’t it?

Yesterday, I saw MOST of the cars parked on the Valet Parking Area are turned on, and inside, the assistants are using the car’s stereo and air conditioning to relax without the owner’s permission. Some of them even brought their girlfriends INSIDE the car to ENJOY themselves in the luxurious car. They seem oblivious to the fact that the car they were using was NOT their car and they have NO RIGHTS to spend fuel and energy of the car since they DO NOT OWN it. They are supposed to bring the car to the parking space, and then return the car to the rightful owner. They are paid for that, nothing more. By using the car as if the car was theirs, they earned what they DON’T deserve.
Despite the relatively high rate of “accidentally” stolen cars or missing car audio on cars, or the nearly 100% risk of your car being used by the assistant as it was his car, underwent Valet Parking service in Indonesia, a lot of people still use the service. Oh people~

End of LOG 6