First, the title looks menacing.
Are there any people out there who has never heard about the predictions, premonitions, psychic prophecy, etc – that mentions about year 2012, where the year is covered with some “veil”, thus it’s nigh impossible to predict. Add with the fact that supposedly, at December 2012, the earth is at its closest position with a black hole, so there will be some gravitational disturbance on our solar system. Oh, don’t forget that the year 2012 is the last year in ancient Mayan recording..
Pretty good composition for an “Armageddon” theme, eh?
So, onto the movie. The movie is apparently called as “A modern Christian Epic in the tradition of The Omega Code”. (Code? What Code? Da Vinci Code? ^^). Sounds thrilling. Combining Science and Religion. My first impression was particularly negative – I’m as skeptical as I’ve ever been with any religious movies, since I don’t believe in any religion, really – but I still try to watch it though…
Basically, the main characters are: an Archaeologist, a Daddy Geologist (or something like that) and his Missionary daughter (a Missionarist? Check for yourself what she wears… if all Missionarist wear the clothes she wear, what comes to mind would be “Missionary Position” rather than the religious Missionaries), and an atheist Paramedic (at first I kinda hoped that she would bring the balance to the movie – since she had some similarities with me, turns out that my hope had failed me though – oh wait, according to this movie, it’s rather God said no).
The movie starts with an archaeologist digging site, disturbed by erupting volcano and the arrival of archaeologist’s ex-wife. Apparently they found something in a Mayan cove, which is a golden cross.
Funny, since Mayans exist long way before Jesus Christ born. About this, the movie only said that it was made during 600 A.D. – so they expect us to believe that there are European Catholic Missionaries (there are no Christian at that time – Martin Luther is still yet to exist) coming to South America during the ages where the religion was only started flourishing. Then, why didn’t the Mayans got sick by diseases that the 600 A.D. European Missionaries brought from Europe? Found one logical flaw here. Columbus would never meet any Mayans or Aztecs if European Missionaries came to South America 1000 years before him. Let’s move on.
Oh by the way, the Ex-wife has a bad accented English. You'll get sick of it later on in the movie.... keep reading ^^
The next scene tries to show us how dire the situation we’re facing on 2012, with a scientific approach. They tried, but to me, I think it failed. The theory of the doomsday threat was explained and announced by the Geologist – with a boring lecture sort-of-a-way. The only skeptical comment was said by someone “Impossible, NASA would have known and predicted the position between earth & black hole before!” So what? And the Geologist shrugged it off easily, as easy as I’m not buying any arguments they placed on the movie. The phrase "CHEAP MOVIE" comes to mind...
Ah. Next scene depicts the Missionary position. Oops, sorry. My bad. It depicts the Missionary slut running around the town. Oh, sorry again. She’s no slut, isn’t she? Okay, so the bitch is looking for a doctor. Almost every village member on her Missionary got sick, and unfortunately there are no doctors in town. Then, along came a photographer that apparently was studying for some time in Medical School. Coincidence? No, said the movie. It’s the will of God. Yeah, only God knows what’s in his head when he decided to help the bitch. Maybe he wants to be in a *Missionary*?
Want to see the first EPIC FAIL of the movie? Take a look at that cassette icon and the well-known red dot as a “record” icon on the TOP picture. Compare with the camera that the photographer used, on the BOTTOM picture. Since when did a Nikon DSLR features a recording system?
Up next is the atheist who seems to like drawing about pyramids and cross… Strange, isn’t it? I didn’t realize that she was an atheist and firm believer of science until finally she spat out that “So many good people died everyday… Where the hell is God?” after she failed to save a wounded guy.
With this kind of drawing when she's introduced, you would never know that she's actually an atheist at first, don't you?
Oh, the process of saving the guy is interesting. He’s wounded, and all the paramedics do was just asking his name, heartbeat, trying to convince him that everything is okay with the power of words alone, and not checking on the wound first. Then, after all the lengthy procedures, they put some tissues or bandages over the wound, and the man began to pray. Sounds funny? Apparently not.
He knows that his end is nigh, so he prayed while clasping his hands with force, until it goes spastic and thus hindering the *awfully untrained* paramedics’ effort to put oxygen mask on him.
At first I thought the paramedics were trying to finish him off as fast as possible… turns out that they’re trying to save him. Well, they’re not really smart, you know. Even the dying guy was smarter than the paramedics!
starting from this point, I've made my decision to watch the movie to exploit all its flaws, not for my own enjoyment. So, up next is a load of pictures, maybe sometimes accompanied with my comments. I tried to make it as funny as possible, since the movie is rather boring. Please enjoy :D
So apparently we have accurate weather-prediction software available for personal computers on 2012… Bullcrap. It’s another EPIC FAIL, by the way. See the “National Space Administration” and the logo? It’s just NASA without the first A (Aeronautics)… what happened to National Security Agency?
Nobody on the village of the bitch’s Missionary. So, severely sick people can walk now? Oh, I forgot. It’s a Miracle from God!
conversation:
Native guy: Sick, pregnant woman needs help. Her boobs just became this big!
Photographer: WTF?! I’m going!
The Atheist Paramedic has a God-fearing mother… who thinks that it’s already the end of the world, so why bother running away. LOL @ the mom’s expression, which is pretty much the same as the statue
This is God speaking via TV. You two need to go to your temple of dreams: Chichen-Itza. Or else, you’ll end up like the guy you couldn’t save earlier (He had the pyramid-and-cross tattoo)!
Okay. Small particles and grasses flying about, signifies the presence of a high-speed wind flow, or even worse, a tornado building up. But why are those green plants stood still as if there are no winds at all? EPIC FAIL. Oh wait, God wants the plants to stand tall! Who dares to refuse His will?
The Death of the Archaeologist's Partner Scene:
Fat boy struggling for life. Archaeologist says "Hold On", Ex-Wife still need to think what English sentence would fit for this situation. Fat boy screams Noooooo… why do I have to die with ugly special effects?
Ex-Wife felt guilty... on to the "a minute of emotional moment with bad-accented English". EPIC FAIL.
Meanwhile, at the pregnant woman's house...
Bitch asks “are you okay”. Pregnant woman speechless. Photographer says “dang, her boobs aren’t as big as he said! F**k that puny native scum.”
Bad special effects, again. Snow? Like that? Are you kidding me, bub?!
Oh, apparently ex-wife got wounded pretty bad. Why didn’t he notice a wound that big while on those emotional moments some time ago? Oh, God’s will. I see.
Oh crap. She’s losing a lot of blood and yet here we are having another minute of emo-moments…
The mother is the major source of common preachers “Believe in God” cheap propagandas… from “why can’t you feel that He loves you?” “God loves you, it’s not a fantasy and not a lie” “you can’t see it, but you can feel it. And that’s God” “How beautiful the life is… The glory of Life, everyday is a gift.”.
For some reason my atheist comrade seems to get convinced with all this preacher talk. You’re not smart at all, indeed - to be convinced by cheap pep talks like that. You suck at being a paramedic, and you even sucked at being an atheist...
It is the will of God that the photographer parked his car near the hill in the middle of nowhere where the pregnant woman lives. And now we’re having a merry ride…
8 hours before doomsday and… Daddy’s going to Chicken Pizza, umm I mean Chichen-Itza. Daddy’s gonna teach the bitch some lesson!
Oh, it’s another will of God that every cluster of character has always been paired with His believers: The Archaeologist, the mother, the bitch, and now… the pilot. “God was not trying to hurt you.” How reassuring. Have you ever met God in person, pilot?
Apparently all you need to get across in between two huge storms is an extremely light airplane and Faith in Him. Maybe the Aviation companies should try this, because there has been a lot of aviation accidents and plane crashes this year...
Right after getting through the storms, the weather is clear in the airstrip. Seems God didn’t help the filming to provide more consistency, eh? Or is it God’s will for this movie to be an EPIC FAIL?
See how EPIC the FAIL is? All of a sudden there’s a car with full gas and key’s inside. For free.
Now here comes the big mystery. God's major believers, the mother and the pilot, are suddenly gone! Maybe the producer called them for more preacher lines in next TV Channel…
The atheist denies her atheism and prays to God… and Daddy comes to the rescue! SEE THE POWER OF GOD?! HOW HE MIRACULOUSLY GRANT YOUR WISHES IN AN INSTANT?!
Cheap propaganda. Nothing happens that easily in real world.
The first thing Daddy says when some stranger asks for help was... "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Aren't we had enough of "Are you okay" lines, already?!
Every character in this movie said that line at least once. Some even said that same lines over and over, ranging from "Are you Okay", "Are you alright", "How are you doing?"
If I were her, I'd reply with "THE HELL I'M OKAY?! YOU F**KING THINK I LOOK OKAY?! GET OVER HERE, YOU F**KING SCRIPTWRITER! I'LL STICK MOSES' POLE* UP INTO YOUR HOLE!"
*the pole that splits the Red Sea... maybe it could split someone in half if you stick it on to someone's ass...
Just when they finally arrived at Chicken, eh Chichen Pizza, I mean, Chiken-Itza, umm... Chichen-Itza, the Ex-Wife dropped dead at an instant. Probably due to excessive blood loss. And what will the Archaeologist do?
yes! CPR! Just like any cheap movies will do! Just for you to know, death due to blood loss can't be resuscitated by CPR... Futile attempt to resuscitate a person who died of a blood-loss, only with CPR... you’ll need a disinfectant, fibrin bandage, defibrillator, blood transfusion, and skilled paramedic... Which is unavailable at Chichen Pizza.
Dead In Peace, Still Hot Inside Though. (DIP SHIT)
Back to the bitch, the photographer, and the pregnant women…
they’re under some heavy rain of ice…
...But why are the weather outside seems nice? EPIC FAIL
Oh, there goes the falling ice again… but it's still kinda nice ride for them... apparently the ice were thrown by an ice-sprinkler machine mounted on a truck in front of them.
If those ice blocks were made by condensation of clouds from up above, the car would’ve been a Swiss cheese by now.
The Death of the Photographer Scene.
Seems like God is a sniper after all, and he had armed himself with a .338 Lapua Magnum Sniper Rifle.
The Last Words of the Photographer:
That’s all I can get for you now. I don’t put the ending scene since it’ll be a huge spoiler…
I want you guys feel the same disappointment I felt when I saw the ending… after all the shit we’ve been through and all preachy propaganda of Christianity throughout the movie, the Ending just doesn’t fit, pretty much unclear, and totally disappointing… Just, what kind of End of the World is that? Even if it's not the End, but rather a New Beginning (Neon Genesis Evangelion comes to mind ^^), what kind of Beginning is that?!
So... After about 80 minutes of watching the movie on DVD all I can say about the movie is… Craptastic.
A whole lot of inconsistency, faulty mindset, cheap acting (includes overacting, too), relying too much on coincidence (or as the producers would say,” relying on God”), f**king bad ending, and… too many religious jargon and propaganda.
Conclusion: Watch this movie if you’re interested in being totally disappointed.
I think this movie just degraded Christianity by a level, at least in my mind. What a cheap way of spreading the Goodwill throughout the world. Nobody would feel positively interested in Christianity after watching this movie. It’s been thousands of years, and their method of spreading their Bible is pretty much the same...
Atheism is the best.
